Yom\nKippur is typically a time of remembrance, humility, and most of all\natonement. As humanistic Jews we live by the idea of helping others,\ndoing right by others, protecting others, which of course begs the\nquestion: What could we possibly have to atone for? The answer\nlies in the fact that a large part of humanism is to be human. As was\nprobably best said by Alexander Pope: \u201cto err is human.\u201d Put more\nsimply, we all make mistakes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The\nquestion we have to ask ourselves this time of year is do we let our\nmistakes define who we are or do we let our mistakes hone who we are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\nwas speaking with an attorney who related a story about a client of\nhis that I thought was particularly relevant today. The\nattorney had a client, \u201cTodd\u201d. Todd was in business with a\nclose childhood friend, and they were both quite successful, until\nthe childhood friend did something that impacted both Todd and the\nbusiness. Once Todd found out about the betrayal by the friend, that\nbegan a saga of hatred that ended up in the court system and lasted a\nnumber of years. There’s no question that what the childhood\nfriend did to Todd and the business was terrible and wrong. It was a\nhorrible betrayal of Todd\u2019s trust that had professional and\nfinancial consequences that the attorney explained, had an impact on\nTodd and the business for years. When the dust settled from\nlitigation, nearly five years after Todd learned of the betrayal,\nTodd and the childhood friend had no further contact for years after\n– until a few months ago. The attorney indicated that Todd\nreceived a call from his now former childhood friend who was lying in\na hospital bed having just been read last rites by the hospital\npriest. Todd said that his childhood friend was very difficult to\nunderstand but what came through loud and clear in the call to Todd\nwas that the friend was all alone in a hospital bed waiting to die\nand he called Todd one last time simply to say he was sorry <\/p>\n\n\n\n
As\nthe attorney told me this story, all I could think to myself was what\na waste. It was touching that at the end the friend sought Todd\u2019s\nforgiveness, and the attorney said that by that point, Todd was more\nthan willing to give it to him. On some level it closes that\nloop of anger and hatred that lasted far too long, but the tragedy is\nthat Todd\u2019s friend allowed himself to be defined by his mistake \u2013\nat least with Todd, and perhaps even by others. Todd\u2019s friend\nwas largely owned by his mistake until it was truly too late. Too\nlate to grow, too late to do anything differently, and to a certain\ndegree too late to change, beyond a last fleeting call for\nforgiveness. Moreover, in Todd\u2019s eyes, until that final phone\ncall, his former friend and all the history between them since\nchildhood, became defined by the friend\u2019s mistake. It begs\nthe question, how much differently could things have turned out for\nboth of them if the friend had instead immediately chosen that\nmistake to hone him, rather than let it define him. To have\nsought atonement earlier, perhaps to work to restore that\nrelationship, so years weren\u2019t wasted. Ultimately, even if the\nfriend\u2019s effort was unsuccessful with Todd \u2013 the friend still\nwould have taken steps forward in terms of personal growth, even if\nTodd was not willing to forgive. Sadly, none of that happened\nuntil the final moments of the friend\u2019s life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That is one of the purposes of Yom Kippur \u2013 it is a day when we say \u201cmy mistake does not define me.\u201d It is not who I am. We say: my mistake will hone who I am, and help me be a better person. This will start first with the person who I may have hurt or upset, and perhaps seeking their forgiveness. Then using that mistake as a learning moment, we look deeply at ourselves, and figure out how not to make that same mistake again, both with the person we first made it with, and anyone else. It is a day that allows us to live without bearing the burden of mistakes, by focusing us to take this time to reflect upon those mistakes, and make the most of them for ourselves, and those around us.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Jason M.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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